Christmas Nostalgia: Embracing Life

I don’t feel whole.

Today, as I sit in an aura of Christmas nostalgia, my heart is split in two.

Looking inwardly, pain and excitement, discouragement and gratefulness, frustration and privilege all claw and tear at each other for victory within me.

Pain, discouragement and frustration scream, “You are disabled, sick, and broken down,” while excitement, gratefulness and privilege shout back, “You are loved, capable and possess abundance.”

My life has become a massive collision of joy and suffering. Don and I are on the adventure of a lifetime, living overseas and experiencing life fully in new and thrilling ways. We have fallen in love with the UK, to add to our love of Canada. We have great community with friends and family both far and away. I have never lived such texture before. Fascination engulfs me daily as uneven cobblestone keeps me awake in each step; as quirks and intricacies of people come to the forefront even in the mundane; as colours break forth in each musical note of songs like All of Me by John Legend and Blank Space by Taylor Swift.

I am alert.

At the same time, sickness has gripped and shook every step of this voyage.

And why should it not?

As I look outward, I see pain and excitement, discouragement and gratefulness, frustration and privilege. Their message might differ to those they battle within, but they thrive just the same.

Christmas seems to magnify this vast range of emotion. It is a time to celebrate those we love, as well as mourn those we’ve lost. It is a time to give, although not everyone is privileged enough to receive. It is a time to celebrate all that we have, but how do we put aside painful pasts and uncertain futures?

I don’t know how to embrace the whole of living, but I know I must.

In anticipation of Christmas, I am reminded of what I want to be most important in my life. The key to acceptance of life in its totality.

Love.

And love is something that sickness or pain will not take away from me. It is mine to give, freely and fiercely, no matter the circumstance.  

I will laugh.

I will cry.

 I will love.

As you laugh, and as you cry, I pray that love is victorious, settling at the core of your being and permeating your every ounce, regardless of joy or pain.

In celebration of life in its entirety,

Merry Christmas.

Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin???

 

 

I feel conflicted.

This will be the most difficult blog post I have ever written in one sense. In another, it will be easy. Easy because I believe it will boil down to one word.

 

The reason it is hard to write is actually twofold: First, I have so many thoughts colliding and fighting to get out of my mind and heart that I feel almost frantic. I hope and pray the end result of this writing will be cohesive and respectful.

Second, I am selfishly scared of the backlash or rejection this post may bring from people whom I care about very deeply. With that said, I feel I must have the courage to carry on for the sake of others.

 

So,

 

I have been hearing a lot of Bill 13 – the new anti-bullying legislature that is being put in place. I promise you, this will not turn into a political debate.

I will tell you why it bothers me to hear some of the comments by Christian people about the subject of LGBTTIQ people, in the context of the bill, and just in my general life’s journey.

 

Many Christians believe the Bible to say that homosexuality is sin.

{I will interject at this point, the fact that many Christians interpreted the Bible as saying that Slavery was right and contributed to that horrific mindset quite adamantly.}

Whether it is sin or not, (I will not get into the debate over whether our sexual orientation is a choice or we are born into it, although I think the answer is not so clear cut as some may think). is really not the point. The point, I believe, is how we behave towards others regardless of our belief system.

 In my world, the two biggest arguments against homosexuality are these: that being homosexual is destroying families. (Really? Are heterosexuals not doing a fabulous job of that themselves? Including Christian heterosexuals?  Families are crumbling all around us, the children paying the highest price. I don’t think sexual orientation is the problem.) The other reason is that it is “unnatural, or not God-intended.  Children with distended bellies starving in a world with enough money and food for all, is neither “natural” nor I’m sure, “God-intended” either. It is ironic to me that many of the people taking a stand against LGBTTIQ people seemingly do nothing to help the poor. Maybe talking about feeding the poor is too clichéd of an example. If so...too bad. People are dying.

You may be thinking, Well, Susie, neither homosexuality nor children starving is natural or God-intended.  We should be doing something about both. Well if taking a stand is your goal, why is it your goal? What is your motive? Is it to build up or tear down? Because attacking one issue helps and the other hurts. As to the one that hurts...with what benefit? Your comfort? Alleviating your fear? Being right? It certainly isn’t changing anyone’s mind on their sexual orientation or making them feel valued and accepted.

 As for anti-bullying...I simply can’t disagree with the mindset to protect, regardless of a religious stance. I just can’t get behind something that could potentially allow for a teenage boy’s hidden tears behind bedroom walls due to rejection and threat, or a girl cutting her arms up with a razorblade, blood dripping like tears onto the floor in order to deflect the pain of intolerance and hatred, or the Amanda Todds and Josh Pachecos who actually kill themselves, feeling defeated, desperate and hopeless due to such devastating behavior directed at them.

But let’s say, hypothetically, that I agreed with the attitude that those who fit into the LGBTTIQ way of life are wrong, or are making a moral choice. Here’s where I get really tripped up:

                        “Love the sinner, Hate the sin.”

 That is a phrase I’ve heard time and time again when this topic comes up. My question is this: As a believer in a loving God, how do I possibly aim hate at someone’s identity? And whether you agree that sexual orientation is part of a person’s identity or not, those who feel the hate sure do.  If you were to be unaccepted, get verbally attacked, or worse, for being heterosexual, would you not feel a wound or at the very least, indignation deep within you? I just don’t think you can so clearly separate the “sin” from the person.

 And will you let fear drive you to judge others who are just living their lives in their legitimately personal way?

You may say it has nothing to do with fear. I would challenge you to really think about that. Perhaps you are not fearful that you will get some disease if you touch a homosexual (a ridiculous example, I know), but are you perhaps fearful if it becomes “acceptable”, that your child may “become” one? Might it be fear of the concept of “different”? Or maybe it is a fear born out of your faith system being challenged. Could it be that you are afraid to be wrong? I really can’t figure out that if it is just a moral issue, why you might feel the need to fight against it so strongly. If you are adamant that homosexuality is wrong, then don’t be one. (As if it were that easy.)

 

I’ll be honest.

I have both lesbian friends and trans-gendering ones.

Know what I see when I look at them?

People.

People with heart, a soul and the deserved desire to be loved.

Period.

I want what’s best for them and the only way I can contribute to that is to accept them as they are.

 

And in case you are wondering what I actually think about homosexuality and alternative lifestyles, I just told you. It really doesn't matter. If you are hung up on that, you've totally missed my point.

 

The only thing I can see that matters is how we treat others - Gay. Straight. Black. White. Small. Tall. Smart. Mentally delayed. Whole. Broken.

 

I’ll  be honest...I have more questions about God now than I ever did. But one thing I do believe with all my heart is this: God is love.

Love.

 

Not to be applied “if they change”, or withheld with a “but I’m right”.

Just love.

 

After hearing a sermon including the topic of homosexuality as being wrong, the church congregation stood and sang together,

“Spirit of the living God fall fresh again
Come search our hearts and purify our lives
We need your perfect love we need your discipline
We're lost unless you guide us with your light”

                        - Starfield -Reign In Us

 

I wept with sadness, and with emotion choking my words, I could only pray them in my heart. 

Please guide us with your Light, God. Please help us to see people as you do. Not as right or wrong, but simply with a lens of unconditional love.

Love.

It’s what it all boils down to.

 

 

 

 

 

Sexual Abuse/Assault: A Community Crime

I originally posted this a year ago and after being reminded tonight of all the sexual exploitation and abuse that can from within families, strangers, as well as through organized crime in the business of human trafficking, felt it appropriate to repost.

Spending the afternoon over coffee with a friend the other day, a statement was made that broke and overwhelmed my heart.
The statement my friend made was this: "Of all the people in my life, I know of only three, and maybe you, that have not been sexually abused or sexually assaulted."
These few words brought an immense sadness that I can't shake. Why? Because I have no doubt it is true.
What has come of the human race that multitudes of innocent people are deemed disposable in such a horrific and violent manner? In perhaps even as few as five minutes, a life can be altered in such a profoundly negative way that some never recover. What would their days look like if those events never took place?
The topic of justice came up shortly after that and there is no denying, too many perpetrators are living without consequence. ( I do wonder what led them to a place of such crime and hatred.)
 Conversation then turned to a specific event where a young woman my friend knows was under obvious distress, bloody, clothes torn, shaking, after having just been raped. In broad daylight this woman used public transportation and also travelled on foot through residential streets.
No one, let me repeat, no one, offered to help her. No one asked questions. No one was willing to get their hands or heart dirty.
Now I ask...was only one crime committed that day?
Some people, perhaps you, would say something to the effect of, "I've never been in a position to help someone like that. I would step in for sure."
Really?
First off, why haven't so many of us ever helped in a situation such as this? Is it because we don't dare use public transportation or go into those areas of town out of disgust? Is it because we would rather turn a blind eye and live in denial? Is it because we think someone else will take care of it?
Apparently they won't.
Okay, so maybe you haven't encountered a rape victim, but have you ever been suspicious of ongoing child abuse? Did you step in? Did I?
If so many people in this world are hurting from abuse or attack, and I believe they are, why aren't we noticing? Caring? Feeling? Enough to do something.
Thank you to my friend for reminding me to open my eyes and my heart to the hurting, even though I'm sure you had no idea that's exactly what you were doing in that conversation.
We can't be ignorant. It is wrong.
I realize this is certainly not a "feel good" topic, nor do I want it to be. In fact, my wish is that anyone who reads this feels pain and heartbreak even if for just a moment, just long enough to vow to look around your world, truly love, and care enough to help.

If you are willing to show support of those who have or will be abused, will you please hit the "like" button at the bottom of this page to help spread the word? I thank you in advance.